"No good thing is pleasant to possess without friends to share it." Seneca
Creating Moments, Not Just Memories: The Art of Nurturing Friendships
I have a pet peeve about friendships.
It drives me up the wall when I see or talk to a friend, and all we discuss is what we've been doing since we last saw each other. We 'catch up.'
Don't get me wrong—catch-ups are necessary. I get it; everyone is busy, and we don't see our friends as often as we'd like. We genuinely want to know what's been going on in each other's lives. But here's where it makes me want to pull my hair out: if our entire relationship is based on recounting what we've been doing separately, are we really nurturing that relationship? Are we creating new memories together, or are we just replaying old ones?
Think about it: if the majority of our conversations revolve around what we've done without each other, are we losing the connection that brought us together in the first place? Friendships aren't just about shared history—they're about shared experiences and moments that are happening now.
Why Creating New Memories Matters
When we only focus on catching up, we risk turning our friendships into history lessons. The real magic of a relationship happens when you’re actively making new memories together, not just reliving the old ones.
Imagine the difference between saying, "Remember when we did that fun thing?" and "Let's go do that fun thing together!" One is rooted in nostalgia; the other is an invitation to experience something new, to grow and evolve together.
How to Move Beyond the Catch-Up
So, how do we break free from the catch-up cycle and start nurturing our friendships in a way that keeps them vibrant and alive? Here are a few ideas:
Plan Intentional Time Together: Don’t wait for the next catch-up session. Plan to do something together—whether it’s a simple coffee date, a weekend hike, or even a spontaneous road trip. The key is to make time for activities that you both enjoy and can share together.
Do you live far apart? My bestie and I do, too, but several times per month, we hop on a Zoom call, chat and do yoga. In between, we send each other pics or quotes and have some friendly competitions (or we help each other) with the NYT word games. We actually feel closer than we lived in the same city.
Try Something New: Challenge yourselves to experience something neither of you has done before. Check out a different ethnic restaurant, try a new sport, or explore a new part of town. New experiences can lead to new inside jokes, shared triumphs, and a deeper bond.
Be Present: When you’re with your friend, be fully there. Put the phone away, stop cleaning (I'm talking to myself here) listen actively, and engage in meaningful conversation. Instead of just recounting what you’ve done, talk about what you’re feeling, what you’re dreaming about, and what you want to do next.
Celebrate the Small Moments: Not every memory has to be a grand adventure. Sometimes, the best moments are the small, everyday ones—a shared laugh, a comforting hug, a quiet moment of understanding. These are the moments that build the foundation of a strong, lasting friendship.
Now...your life, your version, your plan...
Make Memories, Not Just Catch-Ups
Friendships are like gardens—they need attention, care, and the occasional pruning of habits that no longer serve them. If we want our relationships to thrive, we need to do more than just water the roots with past memories. We need to plant new seeds of shared experiences, tend to them with presence and intention, and watch them grow into something beautiful.
So, next time you’re about to catch up with a friend, think about how you can turn that catch-up into a memory-making moment. What can you do together today that will make tomorrow's conversation even richer?
Let’s move beyond the catch-up. Let’s nurture our friendships by living in the now, creating new stories, and making sure that when we look back, we’re not just reminiscing—we’re celebrating a life well lived together.
What do you do to keep your friendships strong?
Curious minds want to know! Steph
