We don't have to look far to see someone in profound sadness, grief, confusion, disappointment, or just in a generally tough season of life.
We are nice people, we want to help, we want to say the right thing, we want to do the right thing but nothing seems right and not too many of us were trained in 'the right thing to do'.
Recently, spurred on by a horrible tragedy in my circles, the loss of a child only 10 years old, I thought I'd share a few things that I think were very special and may spark an idea or two for you to keep in your back pocket.
The family came home to find their house surround by loving chalk art and words of care and compassion.
The person who was watching their dog, bathed him, so he would smell nice when they were cuddling.
Someone anonymously dropped off a Costco sized load of tissues.
Another friend, going through an unexpected divorce found a box of detergent pods at her doorstep. Her friend dropped them by instead of saying, 'let me know if you need anything'. Eventually, her friend thought, she would need detergent and it was a kind, thoughtful and sweet gesture.
If it speaks to you, write the date of the death/situation on your calendar, so that you can reach out to the person at that time. Often there is a lot of support intially, but naturally people get back to their own lives. The people with the profound loss are never the same.
Give people an opportunity to talk about their loved one and/or their pain. Many people don't want to bring up the issue for fear of making the person sad, but I'd love nothing more than to talk about my Mom and God forbid, if it was one of my children, I can't imagine not being able to speak of them again.
I will sometimes send a note like this... "While I didn't know your ____, I would love to hear about them - so if you ever feel like sharing, let's make a time to chat."
People have been so grateful for this unexpected offering.
Lastly, when my Mom died, a friend sent me the book, How to Carry What Can't be Fixed by Megan Devine, with a note saying - "This book really helped me, feel free to use it or pass it along to someone you think it may serve."
It was such an appreciated, beautiful, helpful, gesture which I have since passed along.
Something is better than nothing and so many people do nothing.
Be the one that does something. Steph : )
Stephanie Staples
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