Observe, Don’t Absorb

I’m an optimist — you probably already know that.

For some people, it’s refreshing.
For others… mildly irritating. (Apparently, not everyone wants to find the silver lining before coffee.)

I also feel deeply, I always have. When I was young, I cut a baby’s photo out of the obituaries. I didn’t know the child, but I knew this seemed so wrong. My mom found me crying in my room, heartbroken over a child I’d never met, struggling to understand how something like this could happen.

As a teen, a friend used to rewind sad movie scenes just to make me cry again. These days, I don’t need a movie. Life supplies plenty of material.

There are still things I don’t understand. Things that don’t sit right. Things that physically make me ache — even when it’s kind of my job to be hopeful, happy, positive. 

Maybe you relate.

Maybe you’re the steady one.
The strong one.
The one who feels everything.

Today, I was talking with my wise friend, Dr. Judy Duchscher. Before we hung up, I asked one of my favourite questions:

“If you could give me just one piece of advice, what would it be?”

She didn’t hesitate.

“Observe. Don’t absorb.”

Mic drop.

Our brains are wired for connection. Specialized cells (mirror neurons) help us feel what others feel. It’s how empathy works. It’s beautiful.

But there’s a catch.

Our nervous system doesn’t always know the difference between our stress and someone else’s. When we absorb everything around us — grief, anger, fear, overwhelm — our body reacts as if it all belongs to us.

It's no wonder we are stressed, emotionally fatigued, and burned out.

To observe is to witness with awareness.
To absorb is to internalize and carry.

Many helpers, leaders, caregivers, and empaths skip straight from observing to absorbing.

Someone’s upset → we take it personally.
Someone’s hurting → we carry it home.
The news is heavy → our nervous system holds it.

So what are we supposed to do? Not be ourselves? Not feel? Not care?

No, no and no. 

Next time something heavy lands: N.A.P.

Notice - Pause. Give yourself a little space & time before reacting.

Awareness - Silently say: “I can observe this. I don’t have to absorb it.”

Plan - What you will do next. Deep breaths, move your body, get to some nature, journal, make a donation, turn off the TV, ask for a hug, do a random act of kindness, sign a petition, take your dog out, go for a run. Have some ideas in your back pocket of things you can do to ease your pain and decrease your absorption. 

We don’t have to carry every dark cloud to prove we care; we can protect our hearts that allow us to show up with optimism, hope, and love. 

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